Tag Archives: pissed off at god
15
Jan

When Light is Your Shadow

the privilage
On New Year’s Day I co-facilitated a telecall. One of my co-hosts, a mystic and seer, said something during the call that rang true to me: “We suffer only because we can’t stand not being who we are.”

I couldn’t agree more. I am blessed. For the most part, I get to be who I am. I know what my purpose is and am living it.  My 4-year illness and the deep-dive of healing it forced me to take revealed it to me: I am here to help people use their own dark night of the soul challenges as the catalysts for their spiritual growth. And to be a guide for other healers. To help people bring the parts of themselves that split off due to trauma, and illness, and heartbreak, back home. I help people embody their souls.

I tell myself a story that I like: that my entire life has been preparing me to offer my sacred purpose. That I had to go through everything I went through to become who I am. That my journey from wounded healer to healed healer is part of what makes me me. And for the most part, I believe that this story is true.  But up until this past year, I have to admit, I have been lying to myself.

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08
Sep

Cracked Open

cracked-open
On Tuesday, I fell in the shower and cracked my tailbone… and it was one of the most sacred experiences I have ever had.

Let me explain.

I was groggy, not yet awake, and my mind was spinning. The night before I had had thick dreams about being on trial. My attorney had abandoned me right when it was my time to defend myself and I felt betrayed. I woke up hung-over with fear. I knew something big was unraveling inside of me, and it had to do with my relationship to victimhood.

I got in the shower that morning, barely back in my body, and realized, once the water was running, that my handsoap was on the sink. I stepped out to get it, slipped, and whoosh — landed smack on my tailbone.

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16
Aug

There’s No Right Way to Be Sick: How to Befriend Yourself in the Midst of Suffering

You’ve got to give the inner critic props for its tenacity. You know what I’m talking about, that voice inside that, even when we are flat on our backs with suffering, chimes in with: “Is that all you got?” Even in the midst of our sickness, it eggs us on, saying things like, “If only you were a better person, then you wouldn’t be sick.” or “Come on, stop complaining, get it together,” or my personal favorite: “If you were more spiritual, you would be well by now.”

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